If you ever find yourself in Portland, here are two suggested tours – Beyond Bizarre and Underground Portland.

The first was Beyond Bizarre. First, for my own memory, I have to say our guide Jacob had a Jack Black vibe. He kinda looked like him crossed with the dude from that game show “Street Smarts.” LOL!

Anyway, we first went down to the basement of Old Town Pizza where a hooker died. It was kinda creepy. We kinda sat there with our little ghost hunting devices (EMF readers) and for this one dude in our group, there did seem to be some activity. My bf tried talking to the ghost, but I guess we weren’t interesting because nothing really happened.

We walked passed and through other “haunted” places. We didn’t seem to encounter anyone from beyond the grave. The scariest things we saw were probably “drunk gay guys” (quoting Jacob). Near the end of the tour, we each got a donut from Voodoo Doughnut. It’s a good thing too because my bf and I never went back (maybe next time).

The next day, we went on the Underground Portland tour. Our guide was Terry. This guy looked like a cross between Jimmy Carter and Mr. Furly, er, Don Knotts (RIP), except younger… and alive.

Terry was a pretty funny guy. My first impression was that he was gonna be like my dad (retired military dude who knows a lot about history and “tries” to be funny). So, yeah, once again, I was proved wrong.

Towards the end of our tour, some weirdo chick joined our group for a block. She was fascinated with the fact that in Portland, you can be nude in public (but engaging in self-pleasuring or simulated self-pleasuring is prohibited). Another thing I learned is “Couch St.” is not pronounced like the word for sofa, but a slang term for a part of the female anatomy.

Anyway, unlike the Seattle Underground tour, most of the underground tunnels in Portland are filled up. So, it was a little disappointing, but educational nonetheless.

Because of Tom Leykis, I didn’t have high expectations for this city. However, now that I’ve been there, I can’t wait to go back – maybe even permanently!

I highly recommend both tours. They’re basically similar routes but with different information. Plus, the first tour was at 10 PM and the second one was at 2 PM. The foodie one sells out quick, so book in advance!