Oh, 2018. The longest year. Where do I begin?

It’s been another year of changes. The year pretty much started off with the news that the three of us would become a four of us. I was at a Super Bowl party when I suspected something was up. Still, I decided to have “one last” beer. At the end of last year, my husband and I discussed trying for another. Luckily (or unluckily) for us, it didn’t take long.

Once the news was confirmed, we did what I had prevented from doing for so long: We bought a mini… minivan. I still remember the night well. Unlike the last time I bought a car, I wasn’t sad. My SUV caused me more heartache than joy. Once I test drove the minivan, I fell in love. Then I felt a sense of regret — regret that I didn’t get one in the first place.

Not too long after that, I quit my part-time job. It wasn’t a difficult decision, though I wish things had turned out differently. When you gotta go, you just gotta go.

My son reached another milestone — the age of two. The “terrible twos” as they’re unaffectionately known. We went down to Olympia and hung out at the Hands On Children Museum (thanks, Blippi). It was a wonderful time, probably would have been more wonderful if it wasn’t so crowded and I wasn’t pregnant. Still, he had an awesome time, and that’s pretty much all that matters when you’re a parent. Happy tot, happy mom and dad.

Later that month I was at the park with my newly-minted 2 year old. I got a call from my doctor’s office that the results were in! The sex of my baby was now known. Of course I wanted to know. The nurse on the line told me it was XX. In all my excitement, I couldn’t decipher what that meant. “A girl, idiot,” the nurse said (in my interpretation, of course). Best news of the year.

Within a few months, my belly started bulging more than it did (or at least from what I could recall) from my last pregnancy. When my sister visited in late May/early June, I felt like I’d swallowed the Earth. With six months to go, I wondered if I was carrying an army or a Butterball.

In the summer, we took a road trip down to California. It went well. I don’t recall making too many potty stops. Most of my pains were in my tailbone. A lot of sitting. The heat was pretty unbearable once we were about 2-3 hours from our final destination.

My mother- and sister-in-law threw me a baby shower. It was nice to see my friends and family together in one place. My mom even made the trek! I felt like a giant red balloon, but it was the highlight of my year up to that point.

The next few months were spent waiting, waiting, and buying, buying all the girly stuff that weren’t on my list during the first pregnancy. Also, add to that the double stroller. I definitely wasn’t thinking ahead the first time.

Our cuatro arrived cinco days earlier than we expected. And, as with my first delivery, no pain meds, no epidural, no surgery. It was 100 taking deep breaths and crushing the hands of my husband and my (new) doula.

Leading up to her birth, I worried so much about the change in my relationship with my numero uno. It wouldn’t just be us anymore. I’d get teary-eyed every night that I read to him. There was a lot of guilt — am I ruining his life?

It sure feels like it some days.

The “terrible twos” have reared their ugly heads in the form of meltdowns — throughout the day and at 2 AM. The stomping. The tears.

Fortunately, our baby girl is a good sleeper. She is a 180 from her big brother in that regard.

As for my baby girl, I absolutely adore her. My heart expanded upon her arrival. The first words I said to her when I saw her were “I love you!”

I had waited for her for so long. All my fears and anxieties (the stories I made up in my head based on Google search and random Facebook posts) were gone. All I could see was a happy and healthy XX.

As for 2019, my wishes, hopes and dreams:

• Find a new job — hopefully remote; if not, flexible hours
• Move to a new place — a new roof and/or new city
• First haircut for my boy — Tears (maybe his too) will be shed, but it’s got to be done
• Find and maintain new friendships — even just one would make me happy
• Last, but not least, healthy and happy loved ones — I need them around to celebrate my next decade of life after all